I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
