Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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