Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
