A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
