wanna go halves on a baby?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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