i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
