he wants to bone in the snuggie
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
