I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
