You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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