It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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