Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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