Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
