Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
