She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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