Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
