Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
