"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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