She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
