I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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