Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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