you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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