i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
