brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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