Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
