Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
