Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize