im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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