I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
