oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
