I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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