I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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