Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
