guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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