did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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