its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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