I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
