Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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