Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
you had me at cake vodka
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
