Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize