My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
