im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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