So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
