How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
