the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
