you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
