you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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