i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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