so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
