Me. At least after what I've been through.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
