there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
