I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
