I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
