Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
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