Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
