i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
