Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
