i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
