so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You ruined the universe
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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