I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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