Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
