It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
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