i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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