K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I wear drunk well.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
