I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
