when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
