she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
