so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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