cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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