If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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