before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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