So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
