New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
