When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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