Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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