I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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