guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
