Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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