get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
