My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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