I'm so fucking centered right now
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize