im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
