Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
