yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
