My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
