So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
