I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
